Smiles' Crazy Blog

So I think I now understand why people binge drink.

So the last few days have been a roller coaster for me. Thursday, I felt really good. Friday was alright, and now I am a wreck.

I don't understand why I must prove to myself that I have emotions by making myself hurt. Perhaps because I feel good most of the time. So, when someone tells me that there is something wrong emotionally that has to do with me, but not necessarily that I poor emotionally, I convince myself that if I feel bad then I have convinced that person that I now have whatever it is you were looking for before.

So what do I do, I hurt myself. I do things that make me feel bad. Why, cause for some reason I feel like I need acceptance from a specific person. Unfortunately, I don't think that it is going to happen.

Today was kind of a roller coaster for me. It started off really well. I saw my brother play basketball, he started varsity after not even suiting up the night before. He played really well. It was great.

Unfortunately on the ride home, something my sister said really made me upset. She said "Andy you are dorky, no girl will ever like you," and meant it. Thanks Becky. I love you too.

That is so frickin' frustrating. First off, I am a dork. I know it. I don't want to change it. It is who I am, and it is not a character flaw, and she made it sound like it was. I want to some how get rid of my character flaws that I do have, but being a dork is one of them.

Secondly, I just broke up with a girl, and she could not really give that great of a reason why we broke up. Other than it was something intangible and out there and involved emotions. Maybe it was because I was a dork. Maybe that is the reason. She figured out I was a big dork, and now she can't date me. Or even like me. So if that is it, please call me and tell me, not that I really think it is, but yeah it would be nice to know.

And now, I sit alone again. No person around. I stare at the computer screen. I don't even know where I can meet people.

So know I understand why people binge drink.