I am Kyle's self-indulgence

Last night, after Daniel had his dinner and his milk, I told him it was time for bath and bed, per our usual routine. We have a whole system that we go through each night without deviation: Daniel comes with me into the bathroom; I start the water and he dumps his toys in the tub; as the water is filling up, we go in his room and I help him undress; Daniel runs naked and laughing into the bathroom and I help him get into the now-full bathtub; I was him with a washcloth and brush his teeth; I drain the water; Daniel puts his bath toys back in their container while I count them one at a time; I lift Daniel out of the tub and dry him off; Daniel runs back into his room naked and laughing.

We go through this process every night without deviation, and it works well for us because Daniel really loves bathtime and he likes the comfort of regular routines.

Well, last night I told Daniel it was time for his bath, which is the cue to begin our ritual. Daniel didn't want to start it yet, though. He wanted to hug Eva, stroke her head, hug her some more, give her a kiss, etc. During all of this I patiently reminded him that it was time for a bath. When I finally got him moving in the direction of the bathroom, he turned to go down the stairs to look at something out the window.

Out of patience, I picked Daniel up and carried him into the bathroom. He cried and screamed and fought me the whole time that I started the water and dumped his toys in the tub. He continued crying and yelling, "NO!" as I carried him into his room, held him on the floor, and undressed him. He screamed when I carried him into the bathroom. He screamed when I placed him in the bathtub. He screamed when I shut off the water. He screamed and tried to push my hand away while I washed him. When I finished washing, I put the wash cloth in the water. And just like that, Daniel suddenly stopped crying, picked up the wash cloth, and handed it back to me. I said, "Do you want me to wash you some more?" He smiled and said, "Yes."

So I wiped his face and began washing him more, not because he needed washing, but because I wanted so badly to get back to our happy, loving relationship. Daniel looked up at me and said:

"Sah-ee"

"It's okay," I told him and patted his back.

"Sah-ee"

"I love you," I told him with a sad smile.

"Sah-ee"

This is a new thing with Daniel: when he knows he has done something to upset mom or dad, he looks at us with those big eyes of his and says sorry. It was nice to hear him say it at that moment, and I think it was appropriate for him to apologize for the way he was acting, but at the same time I wished he would stop saying it. Someone once said that being a parent means wearing your heart outside your body, which is absolutely true. Kids can make us feel a love so big that it hurts.

We were worried that when Eva was born Daniel would be jealous of the new baby, but his response has turned out to be far better than we ever could have hoped. From the moment he saw her, Daniel just wanted to hug and kiss Eva over and over again. By necessity Erika has been spending more time with the baby and I have been taking Daniel out of the house more to give her a rest. A few days ago Erika felt like she hadn't been spending enough time with Daniel, so I took Eva and let the two of them sit and hug for a while.

Erika was telling Daniel how great he's been with the new baby and how sorry she is that she hasn't been spending as much time cuddling with him. Erika started crying and Daniel looked up at her with those big brown eyes and said:

"Sah-ee"

Still crying, Erika told him, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Sah-ee"

"I love you, Daniel."