Stephanie and Somebody

So we're pregnant again. Just finishing week 18, actually, which means we're getting close to halfway done. July 29 is the due date, although Stephanie thinks the true due date should be July 28, since the doctor's highly sophisticated "spinny wheel" probably was not programmed to account for an extra day in February as this is a leap year. Let's just hope there's nothing else the doctor has to account for in a leap year.

You may be asking, If you've known since Thanksgiving that you were pregnant, why are you only posting about it now?

Well, first of all, how did you know that we found out at Thanksgiving? Ahhhh... HA!

Secondly, it's because we had a miscarriage last time. I don't know exactly why this made me reluctant to post, but it did. I think maybe I stayed a bit distant from the whole thing for a little while. Then, all of the sudden, we were at week 12 and heading toward the time when we had the miscarriage last time (beginning of week 14). Those two weeks were very long. Steph knew the point at which we had the miscarriage last time to the day, and it fell on a Sunday/Monday again. Going to bed that Sunday night was like putting down a really intense book just as you get to the climactic moment. The sun sets, and the sun also rises, and things move on. It felt like we had passed one of those makeshift memorials you see along the highway with the leaning cross and the sun-faded silk flowers. I don't know if this will make sense, but it wasn't until then that I began to think of this as a new baby, different from the last.

So the task now is to learn to hope again. Steph has been saying, and I've only recently begun to understand it, that our hope is for a baby, but our hope is in God. Even then, hope is a risk, not the last resort of the desperate as I used to think.