Musings of a Punk Rock Father

I just saw They Might Be Giants doing their song "Clap Your Hands" from their album "No!" on Blue's Clues.

Weird. But so awesome.

A few thoughts:

Can't they just get rid of the best song category, and leave screwing decent musical artists to the Grammys? Where else can you have three completely disparate choices such as those offered (and aren't there supposed to be five? Were there really not enough good songs from films to fill the other two slots?) on Sunday. I refuse to believe that the Three 6 Mafia song was really the best of the year. Heck, I would've picked Nirvana's "Something in the Way" from Jarhead above any of those others, but I guess I don't understand what makes a song nominatable (like that word?). Actually, the hip-hop song used in the Jarhead ads was way better also.

Jon Stewart was great. Having his Daily Show writers was great. Those low-down campaign ads were great. Pointing out that Martin Scorcese has no Oscars after the Three 6 Mafia accepted their award was great.

I found it funny that they trash-talked DVD. Yeah, that DVD really screwed their box-office revenue, didn't it? Oh wait, no, it was probably "Dukes of Hazzard" that did it.

I still get excited about the Oscars. I could without all of the pre-show interviews, which are all crap except for Roger Ebert, because he manages to slide in some decent questions and astute observations even as the "who are you wearing?" commences around him, and I could do without the post-show party coverage. If I were an Oscar attendee, I would prefer to slip away after the show and get some fast food and rent a DVD and go home. That'd show them, wouldn't it.

I guess I get most excited about the possibility that the Academy will do the right thing (meaning, give all of the awards to the movies, cast and crew that I would). No other awards show has that opportunity, least of all the Grammys. I get excited to see someone like Phil S. Hoffman win for best actor. I like some of the speeches. I appreciate any speech where a winner thanks their spouse and children, and seems to mean it. I like the best live action short and best documentary winners, because they don't appear to have had any plastic surgery, and look like they could live in the Midwest and survive.

Finally: can't we just get rid of the best song category?

Since work was fairly slow this morning, I spent a little time considering what I would put on a top ten of 2005 list. First, I had to consider what categories belonged. Being like Rob Gordon from High Fidelity, I believe my list must include books, films and music that achieved high levels of excellence. I could include personal milestones and highlights, but those probably belong on a different list. So I will, for now, present my Art-Related Top Ten List of 2005. Keep in mind, these are not necessarily things that were released or created in 2005, but things that I discovered in 2005.

10. The Apprentice
OK, so it all can’t be considered high art. I love this show. For whatever reason, I get caught up in the drama and backstabbing and blow-ups and freak-outs. I love to conjecture about who will get fired and why, and I love to play armchair Trump and list my reasons for whom I would fire and why. For the record, I think it was terrible that Randal told Trump there should be only one apprentice, I think it worse that Trump, the self-important blow-hard that he is, listened. He should have told Randal to cram it, and hired Rebecca anyway because he’s Trump, and he doesn’t have to listen to anybody, particularly his most recent employee. Now that they are branching out beyond New York City, I can only hope they bring the series to Chicago soon.

9. Public Enemy “Bring the Noise 2000”
Never officially released.
With the release of “New Whirl Odor,” which was a contender for a position on this list, my interest in Public Enemy was renewed, which brought me to a website called www.shutemdown.com, which was linked from Public Enemy’s main page. On it I found a cornucopia of PE downloads, including this unreleased album of b-sides and remixes. When you download and burn this to a CD, make sure the songs are burned with no space between tracks because they bleed into one another creating the greatest party mix I’ve ever heard. As Chuck D says, “Welcome to the Terrordome!”

8. Finding Neverland
Theatrical Release Date: September 4, 2004
Video Release Date: March 22, 2005
It is rare for Johnny Depp to make an outright bad movie. Some I didn’t care for (“Chocolat,” “Secret Window”) and some too weird even for me (“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “From Hell”), but none of the films on his resume are just plain bad. In fact, most are amazing. “Finding Neverland” falls into that latter category. This film tells the story of the author of Peter Pan, and the story about the story is just as magical and timeless as Peter Pan itself. Now I want to see it again.

7. The Incredibles
Theatrical Release Date: November 5, 2004
Video Release Date: March 15, 2005
As a fan of “The Iron Giant,” I eagerly anticipated Brad Bird’s “The Incredibles.” Of course, now that we have a child, Melanie and I don’t get out to the movies often and so our anticipation of a theatrical release turns into an anticipation of the video release. We both really loved this fun, clever, well-written film. I love kids moves that transcend being a kids movie, and both of Bird’s feature-length films have managed to accomplish that.

6. Douglas Coupland “Eleanor Rigby”
Released September 6, 2004
I’m a huge fan of Coupland’s “Life After God” and “Microserfs.” His writing is full of characters who think deeply without pretension, and with the exception of “Miss Wyoming,” I’ve been unable to put his books down. “Eleanor Rigby” is simply an enjoyable read. So much time has elapsed between the time I read it and now that I find myself unable to come up with examples of what I loved about the novel, so I suppose you’ll just have to read it for yourself.

5. Hotel Rwanda
Theatrical Release Date: December 22, 2004
Video Release Date: April 12, 2005
Don Cheadle is in my top ten list for favorite actors. His work in films like “Out of Sight,” “Traffic,” and “The Assassination of Richard Nixon” is worth the price of admission alone. (And I just looked him up on imdb.com and saw that Elmore Leanord’s “Tishomingo Blues” is in preproduction, with Cheadle cast as Robert Taylor. Funny, because I just read the book and pictured Cheadle as the character as I read it.) “Hotel Rwanda” is a sad, poignant, important film. It is a film that lifts the medium above pure entertainment, even above artistic excellence: it shows that films can share a story that can touch and change lives. I actually ended up seeing the first half of the film twice because I began watching it while Melanie was asleep. When she awoke and wanted to see it from the beginning, I had no problem skipping back to chapter one and starting all over again. If you still haven’t seen this, I urge you to rent it on your next visit to the video store.

4. Harry Potter
This year I decided to read the Harry Potter series. As of this writing, I am almost halfway through “Goblet of Fire,” and I love the series thus far. I tore through the first three, but life has been a little more hectic during the fourth installment. I wanted to read the books as much as a response to the number of Christians I heard talking about how bad and immoral the books are as a genuine desire to read a good story. Admittedly I am troubled by some of the sequences of witchcraft and wizardry, such as the divination classes, but heck if Rowling has written a set of books that aren’t difficult to put down. Melanie and I just watched the first three films as well, and while they didn’t spark my imagination as much as the books, they were fun rides on their own merits.

3. mewithoutYou “Catch For Us the Foxes”
Original release date: October 5, 2004
I had only heard an EP and seen the band once before. The EP was good, and live I really enjoyed them. They wore their Fugazi influences on their sleeves, and their set was compelling. Still, I didn’t feel the need to buy an album. Recently, though, it seems I couldn’t avoid seeing amazing reviews of their 2004 release, “Catch For Us the Foxes.” My pastor even mentioned the passage in Song of Solomon 2:15, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” Then I found a sale, and I got the CD for $7.50. Now I’m sorry I didn’t get it earlier, especially being a fan of mid-to-late-90’s punk rock. The album sounds like Steve Albini (frontman of seminal punk rock bands Big Black and Shellac and producer of seminal albums like “Nevermind” and “Surfer Rosa”) fronting a band made up of the Jesus Lizard, Tar, and Seam. Thrilled, I picked up the CD to look a the credits, where I noticed that the album was produced by none other that Brad Wood, who had produced the Jesus Lizard and Seam, along with many other notable Chicago bands. This is one of the most exciting new albums I have heard in 2005, and is one that I find myself recommending to anyone who will give me half an ear.

2. Project 86 “…And the Rest Will Follow”
Original release date: September 27, 2005
Since the New Bomb Turks have essentially broken up, Project 86 has taken on the mantel of my favorite band. Lyrically, the band is leaps and bounds beyond its peers in the mostly uninspired realm of next-generation metal. I actually have no idea what genre to put them in, though. To me, they sound more post-hardcore than anything, but others have called them anything from rap-rock and nu-metal (both of which, to me, equal talentless, soulless genres) alternative and punk. This latest album further distinguishes the band from other hard-rocking outfits, as they veer from the catchy but heavy riffs of “Cavity King” to the quiet title track to a bombastic arena-rock western anthem called “My Will Be A Dead Man.” The band’s more accessible side is seen in songs like “All of Me” and “Subject to Change,” where they prove they don’t have to make a lot noise to make great songs. I also had the chance to see the band tour in support of this album, and the guys brought these songs a terrific amount of energy and passion. “…And the Rest Will Follow” is not only the most artistically exceptional piece of music that they have created, but it is also the most spiritual and thoughtful of their five albums.

1. Nirvana “With the Lights Out”
Original release date: November 23, 2004
This boxed set is a treasure trove for Nirvana fans. The expansive track list covers every phase of the band’s career, from early songs that I have never heard like “Pen Cap Chew” and “Help Me I’m Hungry” to a reworking of “You Know You’re Right.” I was particularly fond of a rocking version of “Stay Away” called “Pay to Play,” a somber hymn “They Hung Him On a Cross,” and various reworkings of “Verse Chorus Verse,” among others. Not only are the CDs pretty all-inclusive (although I would’ve like to have some of the final recordings of songs like “I Hate Myself and Want to Die,” but I guess since they already appear on legit releases they were not considered), but the accompanying DVD covers a lot of ground as well, with some great footage of the band that I’ve never seen before. I wasn’t able to get this set until my birthday in March of this year, so it is number one on my personal best of 2005 list.

Watching the end of Martha Stewart's version of the Apprentice, I started thinking: Doesn't the world need more Apprentice shows? Imagine...

Ozzy Ozborne: In a combination of The Apprentice and Rock Star, Ozzy leads two teams of tattoed metaheads through a series of challenges to see who will be Ozzy's stand-in at arena rock shows around the world.

George W Bush: Why vote in poll booths when we can watch the candidates compete in a reality TV show under the watchful eye of our current Commander in Chief and text in our vote for the next President using our cell phones?

Tyra Banks: Oh, wait, we already have America's Next Top Model.

Johnny Knoxville: A group of up-and-coming jackasses try to out jackass each other in a weekly bout of toilet humor.

I'm just trying to imagine what their trademark verbal pink slips would be.

So, anyone who has Tweeter stores near them may know what I'm talking about here...Melanie and I were watching TV when a commercial comes on for Tweeter, advertising those new DLP televisions. But it was the commercial's spokesman that we couldn't get past.

Let me say that I do not consider myself a shallow person, but I guess we are so inundated with "beautiful" people on TV that this guy stood out. Most notable is the large gap in his teeth. Now, I have a gap, too. Not a Letterman gap, but a gap nonetheless. But I could never see myself on TV, especially as the primary visual image associated with a large chain of electronics stores.

It's interesting to see someone on TV like this who doesn't quite fit in with what Extra, Inside Edition or whatever other "entertainment news" shows try to convince us that everyone looks like.

Or maybe I just thought the guy was weird looking, and I'm a bad person.

The Apprentice is pretty much the only TV show I absolutely must be home to watch. Often, I feel I could do a better job at the tasks than the contestants, er, job applicants. Most of the tasks require more creative abilities than business acumen.

Tonight's episode was no different. The two teams had to create a new character for Dairy Queen to advertise their Blizzard dessert. The most entertaining aspect of the show was watching the women's team turn on one member. I swear, it was like watchling "Heathers." These four or five blonde women all turned on Toral, a woman who didn't do much right, but didn't do anything wrong either. They wanted her to wear the stupid looking costume they designed just to degrade and humiliate her.

In the end [SPOILER ALERT in case you TiVo'd it or something], Trump fired her, but I wish he would've fired the Heathers instead.